The Gift
by Idan
Summary: Tag to Black Helicopters. "Jane was practically picking her up out of her chair and forcing her into her jacket, so she cooperated. It was easier than arguing with him. 'I'm going to cook you dinner,' he announced, to her shock."


**The Gift**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything on TV. Sigh.

**Author's Note:** I actually enjoyed the episode, but there were just so many things I was left thinking about afterward. Hence, this.

The call from Grace about J.J. LaRoche's death came just as Lisbon was about to leave the office. Jane was still taking his "afternoon" nap, but at her sharp intake of breath he sat up straight, blinking at her in alarm.

"Oh God," Lisbon breathed as Grace finished explaining what had happened. "Is Wayne all right? You let me know if you need anything. I mean it. I can be there in a few hours."

"We're good for now. Just shaken up," Grace assured her. "I just wonder who that trap was really meant for. And I hate that we got him killed."

"It wasn't your fault," Lisbon said firmly. _It was mine_, she thought. She was the one who'd thought of roping LaRoche in and then agreed to call in Jane's favor.

Speaking of Jane, he was now listening intently, and when she glanced at him, he got to his feet, ignoring the blanket falling on the floor as he walked over to her.

"You two be careful," Lisbon said.

"We will be. I'll let you know if we turn up anything else, though at this point I don't know if I'd want to check out anything else that could be a trap," Grace sighed.

"Let us know about funeral arrangements," Lisbon said, glancing at Jane. He'd always had some kind of weird empathy for LaRoche, and she was afraid this was going to hit him hard.

As she said good-bye to Grace, Jane walked slowly back over to the couch, picking up the blanket and tossing it on the cushions. But he didn't sit, staring out the window and tapping his lips with one long finger. Lisbon recognized his stance as one of deep thought, so she didn't say anything until she couldn't bear the silence any longer. "Jane."

"J.J. is dead," he said, turning to face her.

"Yes. I'm sorry. It was a trap, a gun on a tripwire. He never had a chance. Wayne was with him. He died asking for his dog." Somehow, that was almost the worst part. She swallowed hard, willing her eyes to remain dry.

"Poor little dog," Jane said softly. Then he seemed to shake himself out of his thoughts. "Come on, get up. It's way past time for us to leave."

She did not want to go home to her empty house with all the unpacked boxes still stacked around. But Jane was practically picking her up out of her chair and forcing her into her jacket, so she cooperated. It was easier than arguing with him.

"I'm going to cook you dinner," he announced, to her shock.

She turned to look at him. "In the Silver Bucket? What, hot dogs and beans?"

"I'll have you know I have a full kitchen," he informed her, "but I was thinking I would come over and use yours. After stopping on the way to buy groceries, of course. Have you unpacked any of your pots and pans?"

Jane was inviting himself to her house. It was not entirely unprecedented, but definitely a rarity. "Yes, actually. How many do you think you'll need?"

His grin was tempered by their mutual shock and grief, but only because she could read his eyes. "It's too late to do anything elaborate. I'll just toss together a quick red sauce and some pasta. Comfort food."

"Okay." She hoped he'd pick up a bottle of wine to go with it, or maybe some beer, but she didn't like to ask. "I'll meet you at my place, then."

He nodded. "See you there."

mmm

Lisbon hurried home and frantically unpacked some more of her kitchen boxes, throwing things in the dishwasher and turning it on. She wouldn't fool Jane, but at least she'd have more for him to choose from than a small frying pan, a saucepan, two plates, and assorted mugs and silverware.

When the knock sounded on her door, she opened it to find him staggering under the weight of several grocery bags. She relieved him of approximately half, smiling a little at the bottle of wine she spied in one of them. "Did you invite guests?" she asked, wondering at the sheer amount of food he thought necessary.

"No, but I thought I might as well stock you up while I was at it," he replied.

She was touched. Only Jane would do her grocery shopping for her because he knew she hated doing it. "Thanks. Let me know how much I owe you."

He pretended not to hear her as he began unpacking things. "That bag you have is all frozens. Dare I hope you have a paring knife and cutting board?"

"Um. Yes." In the dishwasher. She opened it and pulled them out, intending to hand wash them. Jane took them from her and did it himself, so she finished putting the groceries away. They worked together in comfortable silence, and she thought how nice it was to have company again. Maybe when she was settled in, she'd invite the rest of the team to dinner one night. She missed having Wayne and Grace over.

God, she hoped they'd be okay.

"Here." Jane handed her the wine bottle. "Dig out your corkscrew and decant this, would you? I don't know about you, but I could use a drink."

She let the bottle breathe for a bit, since she didn't have a decanter, then poured two generous glasses of the dark red wine and handed him one. He wiped his hands on her dishtowel and took it, looking at her soberly as he raised it. "To J.J. We'll never see his like again."

"LaRoche," she said softly, clinking her glass against his.

They drank the toast, and Lisbon stood and watched as Jane chopped and sauteed onions, green peppers, and mushrooms. Her stomach growled as the scent of olive oil reached her. She tried to distract herself by thinking about their mysterious stalker. "Have you noticed anything unusual lately?"

"I'm always noticing unusual things," he replied, shrugging. "But nothing that made me think we were sending J.J. into danger, if that's what you're asking."

"It is, I guess," she sighed. "I could use your help with this, you know."

"I know." He echoed her sigh. "I just...it's so much easier to think about cases that don't involve people I care about. All those years I was worried about you...all of you... I don't know if I can do it again, Lisbon. I'm so tired of living under a cloud. I was just getting used to the idea that I could have a normal life again."

"I know," she whispered, lifting a hesitant hand to rub his shoulder. He set his wine glass down and covered her hand with his, squeezing it briefly before going back to his cooking.

"Tonight, let's try to relax a little. How about some music?"

"Okay." She went into the living room and left him alone for a bit, which is what she knew he wanted. It took some time to find her CDs, though thankfully she'd hooked the stereo up already. Jane was carrying two plates loaded with pasta to the dining room table by the time the first mournful notes of the saxophone emerged from the speakers. Lisbon went and got the warm, crusty bread out of the oven, reflecting this was the first time she'd actually used it, and brought it to the table while Jane retrieved his wine glass.

Dinner was delicious, and mostly silent except for the music. Jane was lost in his thoughts again, and Lisbon was thinking about her friends in San Francisco. Her instincts urged her to go and help, but she doubted Abbott would agree, and she didn't have any leave she could use yet.

Besides, she couldn't leave Jane on his own. He was obviously still setting the rules with their new unit, showing off his insights and implying that he could outwit them any time he chose. Plus torturing Fischer when the mood took him. She couldn't stop him from doing any of it, but she could mitigate some of the damage by explaining his actions. And she was hoping that eventually Fischer would despair of taming Jane and hand him back to her, as it were. She couldn't control him any better, but she was more used to his antics. Certainly she wouldn't bother to complain about being left stranded, as long as she kept her phone. Fischer didn't know how lucky she was, she thought with a wry smile.

"Oh, that's better. What are you thinking about?" Jane asked, giving her a little smile over the rim of his wine glass.

"How low my bar for your behavior is set. I was thinking that Fischer shouldn't complain because at least you left her with her phone."

"I apologized too," he told her, which made her eyebrows rise of their own accord. "In the interests of keeping the peace. Which I know you like."

"I hope you're planning to extend that courtesy to all of us from now on," she said, a little put out. He'd never apologized to her for stranding her on that damn beach, except in a letter. Which she supposed meant she had it in writing, at least. Still, she'd have liked to hear him say it.

"I'll extend it to you, certainly," he replied. "I don't regret leaving you on that cliff, Lisbon. It was for your protection and my sanity. But I apologize for the way I did it. It's very difficult to get you off guard without bringing your emotions into it. But nothing I said to you was a lie, and I regretted hurting you even before I did it."

She held his gaze, marveling a little at the sincerity in it. "Will you promise never to do it again?"

"No," he said, his voice soft and regretful. "In a similar situation, I would probably do the same thing, or something close. Except, of course, that now you will always be looking for a trick in any emotional situation with me."

He was right, she realized. She'd never be able to trust him in that kind of situation again, which was a shame, really, because she'd been so happy there for a moment. Knowing that would never happen again was depressing.

She wondered if this was yet another way of his telling her that her hopes for a relationship with him were futile. Whatever his feelings might be, maybe there was just too much baggage, too much in the way, for them to ever try to move beyond friendship. Certainly the fact that he still wore his ring was one good sign that she should try to accept their friendship as all that would ever exist between them. It was going on three years now since he'd killed Red John. Surely if he was trying to move on, he'd have managed it by now.

She took a drink of her wine, using it to swallow down the lump in her throat. It was going to take a long time to get over him, she knew. She'd had two years to try without managing it.

"I want you to trust me again, Lisbon," Jane said, startling her. "The thing is, I can't make the kind of blanket promises you want. I'm always going to choose keeping you safe over anything else, regardless of what you think about it. I can't lose anyone else. Even hearing about J.J. makes me want to spirit you off to some hiding place and keep our heads down until it's over."

"That's not going to happen," Lisbon told him firmly, a little alarmed. If Jane were truly determined, she couldn't be sure he wouldn't succeed, after all.

"I know." He returned his attention to his empty plate.

Lisbon took a moment to think about what this situation looked like to him. She knew he'd done his best to protect all of them while he'd hunted Red John; she still remembered the expression on his face when she woke in the hospital after her close call. He'd sat there all night, she'd realized. And he never said "I told you so" about the surveillance. He hadn't been smug, or angry, or any of the things she'd expected. He hadn't asked her about what she'd seen or pressed her for information. He'd just been...relieved. Quietly, profoundly, relieved. It had scared the crap out of her, and she'd snarked at him until he left to go track down Sophie Miller in an attempt to prove to her that Red John wasn't psychic.

His letters from Venezuela had been full of his hopes that she was well, that their friends were okay. It must have bothered him not to have known, though maybe Pete and Sam had found a way to let him know about her, at least. But it had been important to him.

And now, here they were, finding their rhythm in this new team, and all the sudden there was someone hunting them. Whatever progress he'd made toward finding a new life and new relationships was probably being erased before her eyes. What made her want to stop wasting any more time was making him hunker down, terrified of being sucked back into the black hole he'd lived in for so long. He wouldn't come near her while he was in that frame of mind.

Except, she realized, he'd been the one to invite himself to her house and make her dinner. He had made a move to get closer to her. Maybe, she hoped, this time his fear would bring him closer instead of sending him farther from her.

"We'll figure this out, Jane. Just...don't burn any bridges with the FBI, okay? We might need them."

"Why do you think I've been handing out gifts, Lisbon?" He looked surprised and a little disappointed. "Ah. You thought I was showing off."

"And making a point," she added quickly.

"Hm. Which is why you haven't asked me about your gift."

"You got me a gift?" She couldn't help brightening. Jane gave the best gifts. "I thought...I thought this was like the pony."

Now he looked upset. "No! The pony was a birthday present. It had nothing to do with making a point or showing off or anything like that. I just wanted to make you smile."

"And you did," she assured him. "So you gave everybody toys to, what, make them like you for when you need a favor?"

"Not exactly. I just thought it would be nice if they had some good reminders of me. I hated the way other units at CBI gave you crap about me. I thought we'd be more comfortable here if I put in a little effort."

He was...nesting! Lisbon fought to keep her jaw from dropping. "I didn't think you intended to stay at the FBI. After the deal is over, I mean."

Jane shrugged, looking a little sheepish. "I'd like to have the option, if I decide to. I honestly don't know what else I'd do, and I like working with you."

Her head was spinning. So this was what Jane looked like when he was thinking about the future. It shouldn't have surprised her; he never stinted the groundwork for one of his schemes, after all. It made sense that he'd plan his future out like a long con, laying groundwork and making sure he knew the personalities involved. Taking his damn time.

But if that was the case, then why get her a gift? He must know he didn't need to lay any groundwork with her. "Did you really get me something?"

"Maybe not in the technical sense. It's not costing me any money."

That was actually a relief, given his propensity for ponies and emeralds. "Something handmade?"

"You could say that." A smile tugged at his mouth, apparently despite his intention to remain solemn.

She looked at him expectantly for a moment, then said, "Well? Where is it?"

"Stand up and close your eyes," he told her.

Lisbon got up, eyeing him suspiciously. "Am I going to like this gift?"

"I really, really hope so," he said fervently. "Eyes closed, Lisbon."

She shot him a warning glare, hoping this wasn't going to turn out to be some big joke, and closed her eyes, listening intently. She heard him take a deep breath, but had only a second's warning that he was leaning close to her before his lips closed on hers.

For a minute, her brain came to a shuddering halt. She stopped breathing, and she swore her heart skipped a beat. Meanwhile, all her mind could come up with was: Jane's kissing me! His lips are so soft and warm! He tastes like wine! He's kissing me! KISSING. ME.

After a moment, it occurred to her that she should be kissing him back. Unfortunately, that was the same moment that he decided to pull away, so she ended up leaning after him, and this time she was the one doing the kissing. She grabbed his jacket lapels to hold him in place, determined to make the most of her gift. Fortunately, he had the sense to kiss her back immediately, for which she was grateful.

She had no idea how long they stood there, lost in their kiss, but when she had to pull away to suck in a breath, she stayed upright only because of her hold on him. Jane looked a little dazed too, but he recovered quickly, beaming at her. "I take it you liked your gift?"

"Only if there's more where that came from," she said breathlessly.

He chuckled, then moved his hands to cover hers. She realized she was gripping his lapels so hard her fingers hurt and tried to relax them. "No need to hold on so tight," he said, still smiling broadly at her. "I'm not going anywhere."

To her horror, she felt tears start to her eyes. Jane's smile dimmed in concern. "Hey. Lisbon. I'm not. Really."

"Okay," she managed to choke out. She pulled one hand free to wipe at her eyes, and Jane used his free one to help, gently rubbing his thumb along her cheekbone. The tender gesture nearly overwhelmed her.

"I've changed my mind," Jane murmured, which nearly gave her a heart attack until he continued. "I enjoyed that way too much for it to be a gift for you. Let me give you something else."

_Please let it be something we have to go upstairs to do_, she thought, then watched him grin as he read it off her face.

He stepped back, reaching into his inner jacket pocket and pulling out a piece of thick, expensive looking paper and a non-disposable pen. He unfolded the paper and spread it out on the table, then quickly wrote a brief note and handed it to her. "There."

Lisbon read it, smiling.

_I promise I will always run back to Teresa Lisbon._

_Signed,_

_Patrick Jane_

"Thank you," she said, looking up at him again. Then she frowned. "Do you always carry stationery around with you?"

"Not always. But I had some idea I might need to put something in writing for you tonight. Given our trust issues."

She had no idea what to say to that. Jane smiled at her for a moment more, then said, "I hate to leave you with the dishes, but I think I'd better go. Otherwise I won't be able to help kissing you again, and that would take us someplace we're not ready to go. Or at least, I'm not." He gestured with his left hand, his ring glinting in the light.

Disappointed, she nodded and walked him to the door. "See you tomorrow?" She couldn't help making a question out of it.

"Tomorrow," he promised.

"Wait." She grabbed his shoulder as something occurred to her. When was the last time someone had given him a gift? "What can I give you? As a gift? What do you want?"

Jane covered his surprise, not quite quickly enough. "You give me a gift every day, Lisbon, by being here."

"No, I mean, okay, but there must be something else I can give you." She searched his face, hoping for a clue.

He sighed a little. "Your patience, Lisbon. Which I know is hard for you, but it's what I need. Just be patient with me."

"For how long? Years? Months?" She really was tired of waiting, but she would do it if she had a solid reason to hope it would get her what she wanted. What she needed.

"Not years," he replied. "But I don't know how long. I don't know how to leave them behind."

She shook her head. "You don't have to leave them behind, Jane. You can carry them with you. But you have to keep moving forward, not stay stuck where you are. I'm tired of waiting, but I'll wait if you promise me you'll at least take some steps in my direction."

"I will. You might have to help me figure out what those steps are, but I'll do it." He said it with resolve, and she smiled at him as her hopes leapt back to full life, making dizzy swoops in her head and stomach. "Oh. And I almost forgot. I'm sorry I pretended to forget telling you I love you."

Lisbon thought her heart might burst. "And I'm sorry I never told you I love you back," she whispered, going on tiptoe to claim another kiss.

This time Jane put his arms around her, and when they parted, he looked thoroughly shaken. "Not months either," he panted.

"Good." She stepped back as he opened the door, hoping she didn't look as desperate as she felt. Her vibrator was going to get a workout tonight, that was for sure.

"See you tomorrow," Jane told her, then closed the door behind him.

Lisbon leaned against it for a minute, then went back to the table, dropping into her chair and drinking the rest of her wine. She felt like she'd just been through an earthquake, except everything that had broken had done so to reveal something more beautiful underneath. Her landscape was new, her hopes were revived, and her heart was fluttering with the long-delayed promise of flight.

Jane may have given the others gifts they'd wanted in their childhoods, but he'd given her something far, far better.

He'd given her the future.

**A/N:** So, I know this doesn't jive with the upcomming boyfriend arc, but I don't care. In my head, this is what happened after the episode, until proven otherwise!


End file.
